What does this have to do with all of us being assholes? The distinction between them is based entirely on the direction in which the mouth develops in relation to the blastopore. The second group - of which human beings are a part - is the deuterostomes group. The first of these is the protostomes group, which is made up of arthropods, mollusks and insects. Now, here’s where it gets interesting: There are two different clades of animals that begin with a blastula. This opening is called a blastopore, and it’s the first of your proto-organs to begin forming. In the first few weeks after fertilization, you’re nothing more than a small group of cells, called a blastula - this blastula bursts open from the inside out, making a little bitty opening. Let’s start with a bit of background on how we all start out life in the womb. Instead, we did what any asshole writer on the internet would do when looking for facts: We Googled it. Unfortunately, we were unable to track down an expert to back us up on this: Six different fetal development doctors offered a variation of the response, “Sorry, but I’m not interested in contributing to your article, good luck.” Which is exactly the sort of response we expect, being assholes.
#Protostome blastopore becomes full#
In a year full of shitty asshole behavior, has anything ever sounded so true? Now, sure, some assholes are bigger and hairier than others, but if you were conceived by a human mother, then you, my puckered-up friend, began your existence as an asshole, nothing more than a group of cells making up a digestive tract that began with your browneye. Because it’s recently come to our attention that there’s but one uniform concept that defines us as human beings: We’re all assholes.
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